I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Randomize
