I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
