Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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