Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
