i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
