I want to have your abortion
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It's shark week go big or go home
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
