remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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