I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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