Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
