I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
