We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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