i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
