The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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