I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
