i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
