Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
