took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize