She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
and she was petting her beer can
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
