Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
