We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize