I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize