You're my little dorito
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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