Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
