Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
