i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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