I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
