I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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