im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
