i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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