i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
should my penis look like a turkey
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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