there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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