She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
