YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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