If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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