This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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