I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I have feelings that need drinking.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So here I am, sexting at work.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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