Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Green mimosas i think yes
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
