Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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