I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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