when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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