I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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