The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
