6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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