I just gift wrapped bread.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
