you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
