So drunk its hurt
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
