i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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