Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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