I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
