I want to have your abortion
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
