It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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