Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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