I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
