I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
