It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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