i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
