im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
