I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
