I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
