I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
