i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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