Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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