finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
