who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Randomize
