yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
