I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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