I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
